Self- worth

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
– Stacey Charter

 

Throughout my life I have always been taught that others come first. That the meaning of life is to help people, to make people happy. In the grand scheme of things this is a valuable lesson and something that is overall a good trait to have…. until it becomes the center of your self worth.

When I think of my own self worth I always base it off of how many people I can make happy. This meaning that if someone seems to be upset, sad, mad, or even just a little quiet I take it upon myself to “fix” the problem. The issue with this trait is that in many occasions there was not a problem to begin with, nor was it my fault at all.

My mind goes in a viscus cycle of observing someones “unhappy” behavior, feeling the need to please or fix the problem, then the feeling of guilt that I did something wrong and they dont love me anymore, and finally worthlessness.

Ultimately my reasoning part of my brain knows that this people pleasing and mind reading cycle is ridiculous; but no matter what, when someone gets upset you better believe I will put the guilt on myself.

After discussing this with my therapist, she asked me to think about what rights and worth I do have just as being a human being. As I thought about this I came up with a list of some obvious ones but some that maybe I need to remind myself of.

 

I have the right to….

• vote
• attend school
• drink alcohol (I’m 21, don’t worry!)
• care about others
• have friends
• make bad choices
• run
• nourish myself
• make decisions
• LIFE
• HAVE FEELINGS and OPINIONS

Obviously these are just a few from the list, but I think it is important to remember the rights we all do have. At least for me, I always get caught up in the worthiness piece and having the feeling of not deserving to have a good life.

This aspect of my recovery is in process. But recovery is messy, and it will take time. But it is worth it.

– Riles